


Misdialed

by crazyforthisloki



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 13:08:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5498099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyforthisloki/pseuds/crazyforthisloki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unknown number: if u knew I had the wrong number, WHY DIDN’T U SAY SO?<br/>Me: I’ve been trying to tell u from the start u prat<br/>Unknown number: did u just call me a prat? What are u, five?<br/>Me: maybe<br/>Me: but I would still have better manners than you</p>
            </blockquote>





	Misdialed

Unknown number: Happy Christmas.

Unknown number: even though it’s like December the second.

Unknown number: but you get the point

Me: thnxs

Me: who is this?

Unknown number: ha ha very funny.

Me: well, I’m not laughing so

Unknown number: whatever

Unknown number: I’ve done my duty this year

Me: good for u

Me: seriously, who is this?

Unknown number: fine, I get it, I should call more often, I’m a terrible brother, happy?

Me: u do sound like a terrible brother

Me: but I still have no idea who u are

Unknown number: OH MY GOD

Unknown number: ARTHUR

Unknown number: YOUR BROTHER

Unknown number: HAPPY NOW U HARPY?

Me: you’re not my brother

Me: and if you were, I wouldn’t let you call me a harpy

Me: u are a terrible brother

Unknown number: excuse me?

Me: you are not my brother

Me: I don’t have brothers

Me: I think

Me: I might be 99.9% sure that I don’t

Unknown number: morgana… are u having a stroke?

Me: yeah… I’m not morgana

Me: I don’t know what a morgana is, but I’m not one

Unknown number: wait

Unknown number: what?

Me: there are no morganas here. None. I just checked

Unknown number: this isn’t a joke?

Me: I keep telling u it’s not

Me: you have severe trust issues

Unknown number: wait, who are u then?

Me: I’m merlin.

Me: hi.

Unknown number: if u knew I had the wrong number, WHY DIDN’T U SAY SO?

Me: I’ve been trying to tell u from the start u prat

Unknown number: did u just call me a prat? What are u, five?

Me: maybe

Me: but I would still have better manners than you

Unknown number: oh god

Unknown number: are u positively sure you are not my sister?

Me: *checking*

Me: nope

Me: I’m still me

Me: and you’re still u

Me: and I still don’t know who you are

Unknown number: good

Unknown number: I don’t want to talk to you ever again

Me: fine, then leave

Unknown number: I am

Me: bye

Me: this was awful

Me: have a nice holiday season!

Unknown number: yeah all right

Unknown number: goodbye

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Me: wait

Me: did your sister didn’t give you her phone number?

Unknown number: shut up

 

///

 

Annoying Idiot: Oh my god

Annoying Idiot: just realised

Annoying Idiot: did your sister give u a fake number?

Annoying Idiot: how sad

Annoying Idiot: does it make you feel sad?

Me: Please leave me

Annoying Idiot: do u want to be left alone to wallow on your sadness?

Me: get away

Annoying Idiot: I get it

Annoying Idiot: you’re too sad to talk now

Me: GET AWAY

 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Annoying Idiot: are u still too sad to talk?

Me: G E T

Me: A W A Y

Annoying Idiot: still too sad

Annoying Idiot: say no more.

 

///

 

Prat: She didn’t give me the wrong number

Me: excuse me?

Prat: my sister. She didn’t give me the wrong number… on purpose

Prat: I just pressed a wrong number before sending her the text

Me: you don’t have your sister’s number saved?

Prat: she changes it a lot!

Prat: wait

Prat: I’m not justifying myself

Me: yeah… it reads like you’re doing it

Me: which I appreciate

Me: even though I didn’t ask you to

Me: but okay

Prat: how can a person ramble while texting?

Me: how can a person be so obnoxious while texting?

Prat: god

Prat: I just wanted to clarify that she didn’t give me a wrong number on purpose. That was all. Goodbye.

Me: well, thanks for the clarification

Me: although, AGAIN, I didn’t ask for one

Me: I have already forgotten you to be honest

Prat: good

Prat: you’re a meaningless spot in my life, too

Me: nice to see you’re still filled with Christmas joy, then

Me: happy holidays to you to, PRAT

Prat: whatever

 

///

 

The Idiot: when you were little, did you see Santa beating up an elf?

Me: excuse me?

The Idiot: childhood, Santa, unnecessary violence, abused elves, did you?

Me: of course no, what are you rambling about now?

Me: why am I talking to you?

The Idiot: well, I can’t answer the first question cause I don’t think I’m rambling, I think I’m making an interesting conversation

The Idiot: and I really CAN’T answer the second one cause, you know, I’m not you

The Idiot: thank goodness for that

Me: lovely

The Idiot: so, answer then

Me: good lord

Me: no. I didn’t witness such an insane thing ever

Me: I am a normal person, not that you could recognise one

The Idiot: then I have no idea

Me: about what?

The Idiot: about why you hate Christmas so much

The Idiot: if it’s not a childhood trauma, then I’m out

Me: I don’t have a childhood trauma

Me: and I don’t hate Christmas, for the record, okay? I don’t

Me: I very much enjoy Christmas

Me: Tis is the season, blah blah blah

The Idiot: yes… I can hear the carols on the background as you say that

The Idiot: I can almost scent the mistletoe

The Idiot: I can hear Santa laughing

The Idiot: I can see little Jim eating his turkey breast under the heavy, cold snow

Me: rambling

The Idiot: interesting conversation

Me: annoying side-stories

The Idiot: well, you clearly have no sense of what makes an entertaining story

Me: and you do

The Idiot: of course, I’m a writer

Me: of course

The Idiot: actually, I’m a pastry chef but author sounds more intellectual

Me: GOODBYE

The Idiot: sounds like someone could use some sweets for the evening

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

The Idiot: WAIT

The Idiot: how did you know it was me?

The Idiot: oh god

The Idiot: you have my number saved on your phone

The Idiot: and not your sister’s!

The Idiot: that is not right

Me: I told you, I DO have my sister’s number

Me: leave me alone

The Idiot: admit it

The Idiot: you like the rambling

Me: I hate you

The Idiot: so jolly

 

///

 

Prat: I do have Christmas spirit

Me: I’m sorry

Me: who’s this

Prat: very funny

Me: really

Me: new number

Me: who is this?

Prat: oh

Prat: I’m sorry

Me: got you!

Me: you thought I didn’t remember you

Me: and then, u panicked.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Me: oh c’mon

Me: don’t sulk on me

Me: you were about to make your case about how you do have a heart and are not actually the Grinch

Me: now I’m curious

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Me: c’monnnnnn

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Prat: I didn’t panic

Me: understood

Prat: and I do have Christmas spirit

Me: I can feel your jolliness already

Prat: why you must always tease me?

Me: because it’s fun!

Prat: It’s not fun to me

Me: but u tease me back, too

Prat: no, I just defend myself from you

Me: that’s a lie

Prat: is it?

Me: well, you tease me for my rambling

Prat: you tease me for being myself, as if I can’t help that

Prat: or change it

Prat: which I do try to do, by the way. I try to be more pleasant to strangers but you don’t make it very easy

Prat: just because you can randomly text a stranger in the middle of the day to ask the most inane of questions, doesn’t mean everybody can have the same reaction or easiness towards it

Me: oh

Me: okay but

Me: I mean

Me: it was all in good fun

Me: I thought it was a mutual banter

Me: I guess… I’m sorry

Me: but for the record, my rambling is as much a part of me as your stoicism is for you.

Prat: thank you

Prat: and I’m sorry for making fun of your rambling

Prat: it’s not that bad, just slightly annoying

Me: well, if it is annoying I’ll stop

Prat: it’s not as if I can force you to stop or do it

Prat: and I only said it was “slightly” annoying, not entirely

Me: oh

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Me: so

Me: you, Christmas spirit

Me: what’s up with that?

Prat: right

Prat: I bought ingredients to make cookies

Prat: so, you could say I’m pretty up in my Christmas game

Me: yes, you have officially reached “grandma-level” of Christmas cheer

Me: congrats

Prat: are you saying baking my own Christmas sweets is not festive enough?

Me: I’m a pastry chef

Me: I bake Christmas sweets for months

Me: try to challenge that level of festivity

Prat: well, that’s not fair. You do it for a living, I do it out of passion

Me: well, I do have some news for you

Me: I became a pastry chef because baking IS my passion

Prat: really?

Prat: doughs and eggs is your thing?

Prat: I knew you were weird

Me: hey! I feel teased. I want a formal apology, it’s only fair

Prat: fine, you probably are “slightly” weird

Me: whoa

Me: I think I got a better apology from the corner of my table when I hit my toe on it the other day

Me: and that’s an object, by the way

Me: as in, it can’t really talk

Prat: you still haven’t apologised for calling me a prat, anyway

Me: well, how else am I supposed to call you?

Prat: I suggest how normal people do, by real names

Me: right

Prat: you don’t know my name?

Me: I’m sure it’s at the start of the first message but prat had such a ring to it, I never bothered to check back.

Prat: oh god

Prat: Arthur, then. I’m Arthur

Me: and how do you spell that?

Prat: I hate you

Me: nah, you may “slightly” hate me, but you could never hate me entirely

Me: and I’m Merlin

Prat: yes, unlike others, I remember

Me: of course u did, I’m memorable

Prat: I think I’ve had enough for today

Me: oh, u wound me

Prat: good

Me: prat

 

///

 

Merlin: do you know any good ways of wrapping presents?

Me: use your hands

Merlin: why do I even bother?

Me: honestly

Me: I have no idea

Me: can you google things now?

Merlin: I happen to like the warm touch of communicating via text

Merlin: I’m a traditionalist in that way

Me: I’m going to ignore everything you have just said

Merlin: then, I will do the same

Me: great

Me: now I can work in peace

Merlin: it’s a Sunday

Me: maybe it’s already Monday morning where I live

Merlin: no it’s not

Me: and how would you know that?

Merlin: you don’t sound…. Foreign.

Me: how can I not sound foreign when I’m not even talking?

Merlin: okay, so, where do u live then?

Me: in my home. It’s really comfy, I decorated myself and everything

Merlin: you’re not the witty one here, mate

Me: okay, so now you are the witty one? YOU?

Merlin: I’m very witty

Merlin: I make you laugh, don’t I?

Me: hardly

Merlin: oh please, I can hear your laughter from here

Me: and where is here, then?

Merlin: my place. I live in a cave, great satellite reception and plumbing.

Me: I’m sorry

Me: was that supposed to be witty?

Merlin: stuff it

Me: fine

Me: if you must know

Me: (although I don’t get why you should know)

Me: (or why am I even complying)

Me: I’m English, happy?

Merlin: not really, I’m Welsh

Me: ha

Merlin: :)

Me: really Merlin, smiley faces? What are you twelve?

Merlin: maybe

Me: okay wait no

Me: how old are you?

Merlin: do you want to know how many laws are you breaking?

Me: I would like to know the whole extent of my sentence, yes

Merlin: I’m thirteen and a half :)

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Merlin: whoa

Merlin: you really don’t know how to read a joke?

Me: JOKE?

Me: I had a mild heart-attack, thank you very much

Merlin: honestly, what thirteen year old owns a bakery?

Me: I wasn’t discerning through all the lies at that moment

Merlin: so, you were just what? Ignore me forever after that

Me: pretty much

Me: I was two steps away from microwaving my chip

Merlin: and how don’t I know if you’re not an incredibly inappropriate child?

Me: I’m twenty-nine

Merlin: I’m gonna need proof of that

Me: you’ll have trust my word for it

Merlin: tricky

Merlin: can I say “But your honour, he said I could trust his word for it”?

Me: too bad

Merlin: send me a selfie to double check your age and registration

Me: I’m a grown man, I’m not taking selfies

Merlin: oh please, selfies are these generation’s self-portraits

Me: no. let this be a trusting exercise. If I say I’m 29, then I am

Merlin: as per usual, you are no fun

Me: will you tell me your real age so I can put down the hammer and not break my phone into pieces? I’m rather fond of it

Merlin: I’m 28

Me: is that so?

Merlin: you might never know…

Me: nice

Merlin: always

Merlin: :)

 

///

 

Arthur: MerlIAN

Arthur: merliang

Arthur: merling

Arthur: fuck

Arthur: merlin

Arthur: yes

Me: what?

Arthur: merling my friend

Me: wait, are u drunk texting me? Are we there yet?

Arthur: don’t use so much words

Arthur: many words

Arthur: u always talk too much

Me: it’s part of my charming nature

Arthur: it doessnt charme me

Arthur: but you funny

Arthur: funny merlining

Me: you should know, I’m taking screenshots by the second

Arthur: see?

Arthur: words and words and words

Arthur: stop talking and live merlnig

Me: I feel slightly offended you can type everything so well except my name

Arthur: cause it’s a funny name

Arthur: you funny

Me: Arthur, you’re making me blush

Arthur: u make me blush

Arthur: blushhhhh it’s such a stupid word

Arthur: what does it mean??

Me: okay, you’re drunk so I can’t hold anything against you but… tell me more as to how I make you blush?

Arthur: too much words

Me: oh, sorry

Me: do you blush, Arthur?

Arthur: you’re texts are stupid

Arthur: u stupid

Arthur: but I likeee youu

Me: I like you too

Arthur: of course you do

Arthur: merlinnnnnnn

Me: and of course, you would be an arrogant drunk

Arthur: I no

Arthur: people don’t like me

Me: but you’re always so charming

Arthur: I ave no friends

Me: there must be someone

Arthur: I have a syster but it doesnt count

Arthur: she’s evil EVIL

Me: well, she’s related to you, what do you expect?

Arthur: you evil too

Arthur: but like a stupid evil

Me: cause I’m funny?

Arthur: cause u funny

Arthur: merlining

Me: right

Me: you should go to bed Arthur

Me: you’re testing my good will to not hold this against you

Me: I don’t think I can hold for much longer

Arthur: but tis is the season

Arthur: to be hapyp

Arthur: and nobody likes me

Me: I like you

Arthur: we TOLERATE each other

Me: I LIKE you

Me: god knows why

Arthur: you don’t

Me: I do

Me: now stop fishing for compliments and go to bed

Arthur: mmdmdfknggnktgj

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Arthur: oh god, I want to die

Me: from the hangover or embarrassment?

Arthur: what embarrassment?

Me: check the previous messages darling

Arthur: oh fuckkkk

Me: remember that I still like you

Me: :)

Arthur: oh shut it

 

 

///

 

Merlin: do you know the names of all of Santa’s reindeer?

Me: I’m in a meeting right now

Merlin: are the people at your meeting named after Santa’s reindeer?

Me: of course not

Merlin: then, why would you share this piece of information with me?

Me: I don’t know

Me: I still keep the vague hope you might one day learn about social etiquette

Merlin: I think we’ve established I would not after the “bathroom” incident

Me: and I think we’ve established not to mention that again

Merlin: so

Merlin: Santa’s reindeer?

Me: be a normal millennial and google it

Merlin: so you don’t know

Merlin: you’re useless to me

Merlin: farewell

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Me: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen

Merlin: did you google that for me?

Me: of course not

Merlin: so you do know the reindeer? You lied L

Me: of course I googled it, Merlin! Who knows this by heart?

Merlin: you googled it for me?

Merlin: whoa

Merlin: I was just asking to annoy you

Me: and you succeeded, happy?

Merlin: quite

Merlin: weren’t you supposed to be focused on your super important meeting?

Me: well, it became slightly hard to pay any attention once you can’t stop wondering which one comes after freaking prancer!!

Merlin: whoa

Merlin: you sound very professional

Merlin: but u forgot Rudolph

Me: everyone knows Rudolph is a reindeer

Me: it was implied

Merlin: you text during meetings and don’t complete the assignments

Merlin: this will not look good on your performance report

Me: don’t try to sound corporal, it doesn’t suit you

Me: and why you pestering about texting during work hours? You texted first

Merlin: yes, but my work hours allow me to sit for a while and do nothing

Me: and your lovely shop around the corner is meant to look after itself?

Merlin: how nice of you to worry about my business

Merlin: but I do have employees to look after the front while I bake

Merlin: and so far, I have a couple of minutes left before this batch is done

Me: don’t you get tired of seeing nothing but flour all the time?

Merlin: I told you. Baking is my passion. I like my job, going in every morning, it’s what I’m good at.

Merlin: don’t you like your job?

Me: I’m good at it

Merlin: but, do u like it? Do u enjoy yourself? Waking in the morning thinking of going to your office?

Me: oh please, nobody is happy when waking in the morning with the prospect of going into work

Merlin: I do

Me: well, that’s because you’re weird

Merlin: why do you work at something you don’t like?

Me: I don’t hate my job, all right? Stop fussing about it

Merlin: I’m not fussing, but don’t u ever wonder?

Merlin: if there’s maybe something out there for you to do AND enjoy?

Me: I can’t afford it

Merlin: can’t you afford to let yourself be happy?

Me: how am I supposed to concentrate on my work if I waste time dreaming about a non-existent profession?

Merlin: shouldn’t that be a sign to quit, then?

Me: would you let it be? Leave my professional life alone?

Me: I’m quite satisfied with what I have

Merlin: oh please, that’s just pure contempt talking there

Me: just, quit it, all right?

Merlin: can I worry about you? About if you’re happy?

Me: can you, just for once, drop a subject? Just once when somebody asks you to?

Merlin: not when I care about it, and not when you clearly don’t get the point

Merlin: what’s stopping you?

Me: do you want to know why I don’t send everything to fuck itself and try to “follow my dreams”?

Me: because not everyone can afford to be an idealist

Me: because not everybody can afford to open their little shops thinking nothing could go wrong

Me: some people are realistic like that

Merlin: you think I’m not realistic?

Merlin: that I’m a fool who doesn’t understand the real world?

Merlin: or how cruel life can get? How tough can it be?

Merlin: how could you know? You work stuck in an office from 9 to 5 all day, staring at walls all the time

Merlin: you think opening your own business is easy? That I haven’t struggled?

Merlin: what can you know about how life is?

Merlin: how my life has been?

Me: and you think you know me?

Me: you think, because I work at an office, I’m just such a dull, grey-suited person who does nothing thrilling with his life?

Me: you have me all figured out, don’t you?

Merlin: as much as you have me

Merlin: I’m the idealistic, you’re the down-to-earth guy

Merlin: I’m the fool

Merlin: and just because I like my job, and I’m not a bitter sour-grape like you

Me: then, I guess, if we know each other so well, then there’s nothing left to add

Merlin: fine by me

Me: fine

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Me: it shall be a joy not get your stupid texts anymore

Merlin: just have a happy holiday season, Arthur

Merlin: god knows you would not find joy any other way

 

///

 

Arthur: hello?

Arthur: hello??

 

///

 

Merlin: hey

Merlin: you should reply, it’s important

Merlin: heyyyyyy

 

///

 

Arthur: hello?

Arthur: you two are ridiculous

 

///

 

Merlin: hello?

Me: yes?

Merlin: are you Arthur?

Me: god no

Me: I’m his sister Morgana

Me: are you Merlin?

Merlin: no :( I’m his friend, Gwen

Me: fuck, Arthur is coming

 

///

 

Arthur: Gwen?

Me: god, he would not drop the phone for a second

Arthur: I had to delete our last convo

Me: me too

Me: Merlin sometimes tends to read their old exchanges

Arthur: how sickening

Me: I think it’s sweet

Arthur: Arthur does the same

Me: then I think we have stolen our friend’s/brother’s phones for the same reason

Arthur: cause they are sickening?

Me: because they are pining!

Arthur: yeah, that to

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Me: sorry, Merlin wanted his phone back

Me: we need to do something about it

Arthur: end their miseries… with a smack in the head

Me: no!

Arthur: I’m sorry if I’m not being the most sensitive person but there’s been pining

Arthur: it’s already Christmas. I don’t need more than one pine in my life right now

Me: true

Me: merlin’s being slightly difficult too

Arthur: smack in the head?

Me: we call that plan B

Arthur: what’s plan A?

Me: talk some sense into them

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Me: how did plan A go?

Arthur: Arthur is not talking to me

Arthur: yet, he’s still terrible at choosing passwords for his phone

Me: Merlin said I didn’t understand

Arthur: what’s to understand?

Me: maybe this is something best explained face to face

Arthur: good luck with that

Arthur: fuck

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Arthur: is this Gwen?

Me: no?

Me: maybe

Me: my name is Guinevere actually so… it might be

Arthur: god

Arthur: is there something in Wales that makes everybody so rambling?

Me: hey!

Arthur: I’m sorry

Arthur: I don’t know you and I’m already insulting you

Me: yeah, Merlin said that was a trend with you

Arthur: hey!!

Me: sorry

Arthur: listen, although I appreciate your concern for this, there really is no need

Me: because you’re ready to talk things through?

Arthur: BECAUSE THERE’S NOTHING TO TALK

Arthur: gifgdbg

Arthur: I beg to differjg

Arthur: sorry, that was Morgana

Me: I agree with her then

Arthur: well, since I’m not asking any of you to interfere… I can live with that

Me: Merlin won’t!!!

Arthur: what?

Me: he’s really sad about how things turned up

Me: REALLY sad

Arthur: is that so?

Me: no

Me: only sulking

Me: and it’s been driving mad for almost a week, something had to be done

Arthur: Morgana wants me to tell you that you should be a more resilient liar. And to never give up on a good lie

Me: it’s not really in me, sorry

Arthur: she says and I quote “suck it up”

Me: I’ll try

Arthur: okay, this has been sufficiently awkward and ill-advised

Me: will you talk to him?

Arthur: no

Me: what if he’s ready to apologise?

Arthur: is he?

Me: maybe, I should ask him

Arthur: giog

Arthur: if he is, then Arthur is ready to apologise too

Arthur: I’m not

Arthur: yes, you are

Arthur: yes, he is

Me: give me a day to convince him

 

///

 

Me: had any luck?

Me: Morgana, stop stealing my phone

Me: shut it, you also want to know

Merlin: he said, and I quote “no”

Merlin: then walked away

Merlin: and tripped on his left foot

Merlin: went down on the floor with his coffee

Merlin: burn his hand (the poor thing)

Merlin: and now he blames me for it

Me: oh dear

Me: is he talking to you?

Merlin: Arthur?

Me: Morgana

Me: as if Arthur would even care

Me: I care

Me: on occasions

Me: every full moon perhaps

Merlin: well, it’s not like he can’t ignore me forever. We do live together after all

Me: did he burn his hand too badly?

Merlin: Morgana?

Me: Arthur

Merlin: not really. The thing about Merlin is that he’s half a baked disaster and half a cute muffin

Me: sickening

Me: (Morgana)

Merlin: this is getting confusing

Me: I agree. I think Arthur is bothering us right now

Me: it’s my phone!

Me: you’re cramping my style

Me: you have no style

Me: says the man who whore a ponytail through uni

Merlin: let’s refocus here, back to the issue

Me: there’s no issue

Me: Arthur’s lack of style?

Merlin: I have an idea

Me: I had the same idea

Me: you had no idea

Me: me and Gwen have bonded through clandestine messages, you wouldn’t get it. You could never bond to a person only via texts, it’s not your thing

Me: I’m done

Merlin: did we really have the same idea?

Me: lock them each in a room with nothing but their phones, forcing them to confront their feelings?

Merlin: okay, that was creepy

Me: told you

Merlin: but what if Arthur is not okay with it?

Me: let me put it this way

Me: Arthur just left to his study (pouting, I might add) and left me with his phone

Me: he says he doesn’t care but he so wants for us to find a solution

Merlin: let’s do it

Me: for the sake of Christmas?

Merlin: for the sake of all of us

Me: cheers

 

///

 

Me: I’m not doing anything

Arthur: I’m not saying anything

Me: she’s going to get tired

Me: or feel bad

Arthur: well, Morgana might grow a conscience one day

Arthur: maybe it’s today

Me: although it seems they have spent a lot of time talking

Arthur: and bonding

Me: and sharing inside jokes

Me: oh my god

Me: I’m going to die here, in my own bathroom. They are going to find my body, dead inside the tub after I tried to eat my toothpaste and throw it to the snow

Arthur: who’s going to find you?

Me: the people renting the flat once Gwen has run over Jamaica with your sister after stating I mysteriously disappeared

Arthur: sounds plausible

Arthur: I’m in a closet

Arthur: you know I had two mild panic attacks trying to sum up the courage to get out of the closet to my father and now she locks me in another one?

Arthur: evil, I tell you

Me: I’m still not talking

Arthur: me neither

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Me: is hugh grant in it?

Arthur: I said it featured dinosaurs

Arthur: how many dinosaur-centred films has hugh grant starred in?

Me: you said it was a Christmas film!

Arthur: Jurassic world is a perfect Christmas film!

Me: oh god, your head must be a terrible place to visit

Arthur: c’mon, big lizards eating people, Christmasy

Me: a frightening and dark place indeed

Arthur: okay, fine, so what’s the best Christmas film then?

Me: A Christmas Carol featuring the Muppets

Arthur: you know what?

Arthur: the worst part of this is that I’m certain you’re not even joking

Me: that’s cause you know me

Arthur: no, that’s because I’ve spent half the afternoon stuck in this closet

Arthur: I’m two minutes away of having imaginary friends

Me: really? Only two minutes? I bonded with the soap and shampoo hours ago. We’re going on a joined holiday during the summer

Me: if they can survive… one. Last. Shower.

Arthur: oh god, I really hate you

Me: no, you don’t

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Arthur: this is not how I envisioned my Christmas Eve

Me: how did you?

Me: did this mess with your plans to steal all the presents alongside your dog?

Arthur: I only got half of my face painted green before Morgana assaulted me and forced me inside this place

Me: you must look like the hulk constipated

Arthur: I feel like it

Me: well, I had plans myself for tonight too so…

Me: but, I mean, I can see myself living here. I could use the tub as a bed, the toilet as my desk. I could bake using Gwen’s many lotions

Me: I mean, I would die in a second after tasting them, but, you know

Arthur: you would have died doing something you loved?

Me: something like that

Arthur: and I’ll die in a closet

Me: there are worse ways

Arthur: like?

Me: drowning is bad. Slow, painful, seeing your entire life drifting away in front of you when there’s nothing left to do

Arthur: Jesus, could you light it up a bit?

Arthur: weren’t you the one with the Christmas spirit?

Me: Death never learned to read a calendar

Arthur: deep

Me: I know

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Me: I think Gwen left a plate with fresh biscuits outside the door

Arthur: Morgana let me know ten minutes ago she was putting the turkey outside the door for my enjoyment

Me: evil ones

Arthur: told you

Me: do you think my friend shampoo would resent me too much if I ate my friend soap?

Arthur: I’m about to eat my own coat

Arthur: won’t judge and won’t tell

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Arthur: fuck this

Me: what?

Arthur: am I really that awful of a person?

Me: what are you talking about?

Arthur: am I awful for choosing a job because of how much it paid and not for some deep vocational reason?

Arthur: is it really that terrible to want to be comfortable and not worry about money?

Me: Arthur

Arthur: is it really so difficult to understand? Or sympathise?

Me: Arthur!

Arthur: do you find it so detestable?

Me: Arthur, I never said you were an awful person

Me: or that you were terrible

Arthur: you did make it sound like my life choices were really bad

Me: I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad

Me: I worry about you because you’re my friend

Me: or thought you were my friend, and I tend to fret over the people I care about in my life

Arthur: I’m not an awful person

Me: well, you were slightly awful at first

Arthur: you were slightly annoying at first too

Me: but you’re like an acquired taste

Arthur: okay, so are you!

Me: fine

Me: we are both difficult people to handle for different reasons but… still, I like you for what you are

Arthur: and I like you to

Arthur: rambling and everything

Me: grumping and everything

Arthur: I’m not grumpy

Me: …

Arthur: sometimes I can be similar to a likeness of grumpiness but

Me: …

Arthur: you made me less grumpy I guess

Me: I like your grumpiness

Arthur: why? Nobody likes me for it

Me: well, you come here and talk to me all sour-grapes and I try to find the stupidest ways to make you happy

Me: your grumpiness makes me feel useful

Arthur: that is… really lame

Me: are you judging now my life call?

Arthur: sorry mate but it’s a bad one

Me: I think it is worth of my time

Arthur: I just realised something

Me: what?

Arthur: we could have lied, told them we had talked and got out of here

Me: oh

Me: guess we could have done that hours ago

Me: and save all the trouble

Arthur: Merlin

Me: what?

Arthur: I’m glad we didn’t lie

Me: so am I

Arthur: let’s go and get something to eat now?

Me: I’m already half way through the soap

 

///

 

Merlin: hey, Gwen says that Morgana said she wanted to try some of my delicacies?

Me: sounds like her

Merlin: could you give me her number so I can send her some?

Merlin: so she can taste some of my sweet treats?

Merlin: so she can lick my candy canes

Merlin: eat my Christmas pudding

Merlin: swallow my eggnog

Me: OH GOD DO STOP

Merlin: the eggnog was too much, huh?

Me: a bit

Merlin: jealous?

Me: of your candy canes? Hardly

Merlin: I know for a good source they are to die for

Merlin: and what I do in the bakery is pretty good too

Me: I’ll give you her number if you stop talking

Merlin: fine

Merlin: but make sure you get all the right numbers

Merlin: remember what happened the last time you got them wrong?

Me: how can I forget?

Me: I met the most obnoxious person on this side of the hemisphere

Merlin: yeah, and how’s that working out for you?

Me: can’t complain

Merlin: :)

Me: whatever

 

///

 

New Year’s Bonus

 

Arthur: is your time set right?

Me: for the fifth time, YES

Me: it’s seven o’clock, right?

Arthur: hilarious

Me: fine, two minutes before midnight

Me: got your resolutions ready?

Arthur: of course

Me: really? Tell me

Arthur: no

Me: it’s not against the rules to disclose them

Arthur: but what if they don’t happen because of it

Me: you have an entire year to make them happen, it’ll be fine

Arthur: I would really like it for them to happen on this very night though

Me: now you HAVE to tell me

Arthur: fine

Arthur: number one, deep breaths

Me: seriously?

Arthur: I’m listing here

Me: sorry

Arthur: two, take out my phone

Me: so far, so good

Arthur: three, text the idiot who keeps texting me every waking moment of my life and sometimes, even during the night

Arthur: four, write the text

Arthur: five: send the text

Me: then what next?

Me: Arthur?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Arthur: it’s twelve o’clock

Me: it is

Arthur: happy New Year

Me: happy New Year

Arthur: should I press send now?

Me: couldn’t stop you even if I wanted to

Arthur: You’re quite adorable. Go out with me

Arthur: Merlin?

Arthur: did you already pass out from a sip of champagne, you girl?

Arthur: Merlin??

 

Arthur’s hands, gripping down the phone would not dare to shake from the string of disappointment. It was a party after all which meant there was no room left for breakdowns. He convinced himself to take a shot at it, had been thinking about the exact words for an entire week since Christmas before making the decision. He needed to take a shot, and so he had done.

Now, it had not paid off but that didn’t mean it was the end of the world, did not mean he could not enjoy the rest of the party. Then, why did he feel like he couldn’t even stand on his feet?

The phone started to ring and if it had not been for the dead grip of his fingers around it, he might not have listened to it over the loud music. He looked down to the caller as his heart started to climb up his throat.

“Hello?” he answered.

“When do you want to meet? A low voice replied. It sounded so perfect that Arthur didn’t even waste time thinking how weird it is to finally hear it. He was also too busy feeling all the air in his lungs leaving his body. He felt elided and light around his feet with the words and it had nothing to do with the glass of champagne he had gulped down before to gather some courage. “If it’s okay with you, I wouldn’t mind starting the New Year with it.”

“How about the second? I’m going to be pretty hangover tomorrow.”

“That’s cause you’re a big baby who can’t handle his liquor?”

“Are you trying to make me change my mind?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Good,” Merlin replies. “You couldn’t do it even if you tried.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Christmas everyone!


End file.
